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Weight Shame Hurts Every Body

This is a shout-out to all the women and girls working on liking their bodies. This s— is hard.

Why? Because today’s perfectionist, weight biased body culture feeds our dissatisfaction.

It fuels poor body image by spreading the conventional “wisdom” that healthy equals thin and fat is bad.

“Diet culture leads most women to see themselves as ‘too big’ and makes it difficult for people in larger bodies to feel they don’t need to shrink themselves,” says Christy Harrison author of “Anti-Diet.”

It’s become normal for women and girls to obsessively count carbohydrate grams and to anxiously pursue 10,000 steps on their Fitbits, all to manipulate what we believe are our bad bodies.

And we’re doing this to become … healthier?

We believe we must avoid weight gain or lose weight — at any and all costs — if we want to be happy, loved and have a body that’s accepted by diet culture.

“I truly believe that for the vast majority of the population, managing or losing weight is not about health but about a fear of not being accepted by others,” says body acceptance coach Kristina Bruce.

“A much bigger health concern we have on hand here is the staggering number of people who feel shame about their bodies. The only time I don’t like how my body looks is when I fear what other people will think of it. This tells me once again — my body is not the problem.”

Agreed. Your body isn’t the problem.

The problem is we view our bodies through the lens of a $72 billion diet culture that stigmatizes weight.

Harrison explains that weight stigma “frames larger bodies as a problem and tells people that they need to shrink themselves in order to be okay, which is the very definition of weight stigma.”

Virgie Tovar, an activist, author and one of the nation’s leading experts and lecturers on fat discrimination and body image, explains how weight bias affects us all through what she describes as three levels of weight stigma: intrapersonal, interpersonal and institutional.

Intrapersonal is how much you internalize the negative stereotypes about weight.

“The fact that we pretty much all have some level of intrapersonal weight stigma in our society is one of the hallmarks of living in diet culture,” Tovar says.

Second, interpersonal weight stigma is how you are treated based solely on weight or size — such as body shaming or bullying.

Lastly, institutional fat phobia describes how larger bodies are marginalized in society. For example, if you go to buy a ski jacket and the only color in your size is black or you have to buy a men’s jacket.

Weight stigma makes it difficult to like your body unless you are “lucky” enough to be one of the 5% of women who naturally possess the “ideal” body type. And even many of those women live in fear of weight gain.

Furthermore, evidence-based research shows that not only is weight stigma harmful to our body image, but feeling bad about our bodies is affecting our health, regardless of body size.

“I Think Therefore I Am: Perceived Ideal Weight as a Determinant of Health,” a 2008 study published in the American Journal of Public Health, found that the larger the difference between people’s current weight and their perceived “ideal” weight, the more mental and physical health problems they’d had in the past month, regardless of their body mass index. The study included 170,000 people of a variety of races, education levels and ages.

One major reason weight stigma is so harmful is that it’s so darn stressful for everybody, but especially for those living in larger bodies.

“Stress hormones … can have damaging effects on both physical and mental if they are secreted over a longer period of time called allostatic load,” writes David Levitin in his article “The Neuroscience Behind Why We Feel Stressed — and What to Do About It.”

That leads to a dysregulation in critical body systems — including the immune, digestive, cognitive, reproductive systems — and creates cardiac and mental health problems.

A 2018 study found that “perceived weight discrimination doubles the 10-year risk of high allostatic load. Eliminating weight stigma may reduce physiological dysregulation, improving obesity-related morbidity and mortality.”

Research by Harrison — the “Anti-Diet” author — comes to the same conclusion: “Weight stigma has been linked to an increased risk of mental-health conditions such as disordered eating, emotional distress, negative body image, low self-esteem and depression.”

If you’ve felt “so much better” after weight loss — especially after living in a larger body — could it be the result of no longer experiencing weight stigma and not necessarily the weight loss itself? It’s a question Bruce has asked.

So, ladies, here’s my shout-out to help you like your body: Don’t buy into diet culture’s weight stigmatizing. I’ll stand with you.

I’d also like to leave you with words of wisdom from poet Hollie Holden:

Today I asked my body what she needed,

Which is a big deal

Considering my journey of

Not Really Asking That Much.

I thought she might need more water.

Or protein.

Or greens.

Or yoga.

Or supplements.

Or movement.

But as I stood in the shower

Reflecting on her stretch marks,

Her roundness where I would like flatness,

Her softness where I would like firmness,

All those conditioned wishes

That form a bundle of

Never-Quite-Right-Ness,

She whispered very gently:

Could you just love me like this?

(This article was published in the Jackson Hole News and Guide, February 5, 2020 edition).

5 Steps to a Healthy Body Image

But what if you swapped the endless pursuit of “fixing” or hiding your body, believing that it’s not enough or too much, to pursue a healthy body image instead?

Your body is not the problem. It’s your perception of your body that needs some love.

Having a healthy body image is determined by what you think about your body.

  • I am too fat.
  • I am too skinny.
  • I have too many stretch marks.
  • I’m not lean enough.

Focusing on changing your mindset about your body versus changing your body can produce life-changing benefits:

Benefits of a healthy body image

  • boosting your self-esteem
  • banishing persistent body anxiety
  • promoting comfort in personal relationships
  • improving relationship with food, reducing unhealthy dieting habits
  • improving your relationship with exercise
  • reducing the risk of developing an eating disorder
  • decreasing social isolation due to body worries, missing out on fun!
  • increasing the amount of time and energy available to pursue what matters most
  • improving your overall quality of life

 

Ready to begin?

5 steps to a healthier body image

First purchase a notebook to create your BODY IMAGE JOURNAL.

Step 1: Identify Body Image Goals

In order to change your body image, you must first identify your unique body challenges and where they came from. How did your body story evolve?

JOURNAL EXERCISE:
Part A: Tell your body story from beginning to present. What influenced it – cultural messages, people, individual physical characteristics, personality traits?

Part B: Next identify your unique body challenges and translate them into goals. What exactly needs to change? Create a detailed wish list.

Examples:

  • Instead of trying to “fix” my body, I need to stop comparing myself to “perfect’ women. How can I ever be happy trying to live up to perfect?
  • I need to stop criticizing and trying to hide my belly.
  • I need to stop allowing negative thoughts about my appearance from preventing me from going to yoga.

Remember this isn’t about changing your body, it’s about changing how you think, feel and behave. And you can’t change what you can’t articulate.

Step 2: Question Appearance Assumptions

What assumptions have you made about your physical appearance? Are they true, facts? If we belief that something is the truth, it becomes our reality. We can change our reality.

JOURNAL EXERCISE:
Part A: Create a list of your beliefs about your body and appearance.

Here are some ideas to get started.

  • Beautiful people are happy and have great lives.
  • My self-worth is dependent on my physical appearance.
  • It’s impossible for me to like my body in today’s perfectionist body culture.
  • I can only like my body if I change it.

Part B: Now take the opposite view of your assumptions. Dispute them and show they are merely assumptions, not truths.

Examples:

  • Beautiful doesn’t not mean happy. We are all human.
  • My appearance should never dictate my self-worth.
  • I am pissed off that $72 billion dollar diet industry is trying to convince me that I shouldn’t like my perfectly imperfect body.
  • Changing my body won’t necessarily make me like my body. I may change my body and still not be happy with myself. This means that it’s not my body that needs fixing but my body image.

“How your body appears on the outside does not have to determine how you feel in the inside.” – Thomas F. Cash, PH.D., The Body Image Workbook

Step 3: Address Negative Body Talk

In the previous step you debunked assumptions and created new truths. In this next exercise, you will address negative body talk.

JOURNAL EXERCISE: Write down the negative body thoughts that come up in one week. After each thought first notice if it’s based on a false assumption? If so, correct it. Also ask, would you say this to your best friend? What would you say instead? Write this down in response.

Examples:

  • I have hideous legs that I must hide because they repulse people. —- I have cellulite on my legs. Many women have cellulite on their legs.
  • I am so fat. No guy will ever want to date me. —-If a guy doesn’t like my body, he’s not the guy for me.

Tip: Add these new statements as “reminders” throughout your day on your cell phone. Remember that your body is actively listening when you attack it and when you attack your body, you are attacking yourself.

Step 4: Change your body image behaviors.

Your next step is to actively engage in changing behaviors that are driven by your negative body image challenges. These are actions that you take or don’t take as a result of specific body discomforts.

JOURNAL EXERCISE: Write down the behaviors you want to change in order of easiest to most difficult to change. Do you avoid certain places, people or practices because of body discomfort?

Examples:

  • Constant mirror checking. (easier)
  • Going to a pool party and wearing a swimsuit. (hardest)

Now begin to confront these behaviors beginning with the easiest.

Create a plan.
Then rehearse it, imagining it as a success. Decide on a strategy to use to get out of your head and back into to your body such as using your positive body statements as a mantra or practice a calming breathing technique to shift your thoughts from your mind to your breath. If helpful, enlist a “body buddy” to support you. Then act (and use baby steps if necessary) and then reward yourself in a healthy way.

Example: I will go to a pool party with my body buddy this weekend.
Mantra: All bodies are swimsuit bodies. Breathe in. Breath out. Baby step action: I will take off my swimsuit cover up for 1 minute while talking to my body buddy. Then reward yourself : high-five with your buddy.

“For things to change, you have to change.” – Jim Rohn, motivational speaker

Step 5: Focus on positive body image

If you don’t like your body, it’s difficult to like the person who lives there, YOU!

We are used to focusing on what we believe is “wrong” with our bodies. Now it’s time to focus on the positive.

JOURNAL EXERCISE: Write a letter to your body focusing on the positive aspects of your body only. Start from toes to head and describe your body in positive (or neutral terms). Post this letter where you will read it daily.

“What you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny.” – Robin Sharma, leadership expert

Remember, your body is not the problem. It’s what you believe about your body that’s the problem.

By practicing and staying committed to taking the action steps necessary to change your body image (instead of changing your body), you can improve not only your body image, but *the overall quality of your life*. Now that’s powerful.

Give yourself permission to be a perfectly imperfect human being.

Like yourself. Be a rebel. Practice radical body acceptance.

Have a comment, question? I would love to hear from you.

  • Tanya

What’s Your “Ideal” Weight?

What’s your ideal weight? I have no idea!!! because “ideal” weight is a myth.

But, I can hear you now, “but I DO have an ideal weight. When I used to weigh _____ (fill in your number, when I was 22, last year, before the baby, according to BMI calculations, etc.), that’s when I felt my best” – says most of us.

So let’s talk about some truths when it comes to weight and health before we get into the 8 tips to ditch this myth through Intuitive Eating, a self-care eating framework.

First things first, the scale can make us crazy.

It can shift our mindset in an instant.

One moment you’re having a great day, the next you’re not…just because of a number on the scale. Let’s take our power back!

Scale fluctuations are normal

So no, you didn’t really gain/lose X pounds of actual body weight in one day.

“It [is] physiologically impossible to gain or lose three to five pounds of fat overnight, no matter what the scale says,” says Kelly Hogan, MS, RD, CDN

BMI is not an accurate measure of your health.

”…in the 1990’s a bunch of Americans went to bed and woke up “overweight.” Their body size hadn’t changed-however against recommendations from The World Health Organization (which was funded by the makers of a weight-loss drug) decided to lower the BMI. The reality is that BMI really tells you nothing about someone’s health or behaviors.” – Jennifer Rollin, Eating Disorder Therapist

So instead of focusing on weight or BMI, shift to practicing these healthy behaviors instead:

8 tips to ditch the myth of “ideal weight” with Intuitive Eating

#1 Learn to honor your hunger and fullness, for the most part (as there’s no such thing as perfect eating)!

#2. Acknowledge that we are all emotional eaters. So no, emotional eating isn’t “bad.” Instead, notice if it’s your only or main coping strategy and together, we’ll explore some new ones.

#3. Slow down and eat in a relaxed and conscious manner – again, for the most part. Create a pleasurable experience around meal times.

Prioritize meal time as a nourishing experience for optimal digestion.

ditch the myth of ideal weight and nourish your whole self to be your healthiest
ditch the myth of ideal weight and nourish your whole self be your healthiest

#4. Be in touch with your body’s internal cues and be aware of which foods energize you versus deplete you. Take the time to explore. Everybody’s digestion is unique.

#5. Move your body in whatever way works for you and because it brings you joy not because you “should.” Fitness looks different on every body!

What's your ideal weight? Your ideal weight, where your body is healthiest, may not match diet cultures.
What’s your ideal weight? Your ideal weight, where your body is healthiest, may not match diet culture’s.

#6. Honor the importance of basic nutritional knowledge. Learn how to eat to balance your blood sugar (which stabilizes mood, cravings and energy), strengthen your digestion and more. Ditch the diet mentality and practice gentle nutrition.

#7. Honor your genetics. Body diversity is part of the human experience. We’re not all meant to look a certain way and health doesn’t come in a certain body size, shape or weight. And, our bodies are meant to change throughout our lives.

#8. Prioritize stress management and be aware of “who you are bringing to the plate.” Are you constantly worried about food, your body? Stress impacts how your body digests foods and poor digestion is often unfairly blamed on the food itself!

So let’s review.

What’s your “ideal” body size?

There’s no such thing as “ideal.”

So no, it’s not necessarily what you weighed when you were 22, 2 years ago, 2 months ago, pre-baby, or when you dieted, obsessed over and restricted your food and over-exercised to achieve it.

“Ideal weight” is a myth.

Want to learn to take care of your deep health and ditch the myth of an “ideal” number on the scale?

Let’s explore your health through deep health coaching and allow your body weight to be where it’s healthiest, not where diet culture says it “should” be.

  • Tanya

Why ‘You Look So Skinny’ Needs An Upgrade

Compliments are great, right?!

Of course, we want to tell someone when they look great. Who hasn’t complimented someone who has obviously lost a significant amount of weight?! We probably all have. But we may be doing more harm than good…

In 2013, after finishing nutrition school, I weighed the least I’ve ever weighed, which was far less than when I was 16 years old. Yet I was complimented for how lean and fit I looked. The truth is this was an unhealthy weight for me and it was a result of being overly obsessive with my food choices and exercise. It was a result of having an unhealthy relationship with food. And while back then I loved the compliments, now I see how they reinforced my desire to stay at this unhealthy weight.

If you have to restrict, purge, over-exercise, or punish yourself (including your mental health!) in order to stay there (or get there), your body is not meant to be at that weight. – Gina Susanna, @Nourishandeat

Here are a few more human factors to consider as well.

What if someone’s weight loss is the result of a terrible breakup? Loss of work? Illness? Unbearable stress or depression?

What if that compliment is phrased as “Wow, you look so much better!” Well, this could easily cause a mental tailspin for the recipient. Were they judging me before, thinking I should look better? Was I loved less by them before I lost the weight?

A few readers at Beauty Redefined weighed in on this topic. One said, “When my mom was sick and three months later passed away, I was so stressed out and grief-stricken that I lost about 20 lbs. Everyone at work complimented me and told me to keep doing whatever I was doing because it was really working for me.”

Our culture reinforces the body image ideal that thin is desirable.

It’s time to shift the conversation.

In Heather Widdows’ article, A Duty To Be Beautiful, in Psychology Today, she says, “That (the) preoccupation of trying to attain unrealistic beauty standards causes increased anxiety, worry, feelings of failure, lowered self-esteem, disordered eating, relentless dieting and exercise obsessions, mental and physical health issues and overall diminished well-being.”

We can teach our daughters, sisters, nieces, granddaughters (and all human beings) that they are more than their bodies. We can do that by shifting the way we speak about bodies.

A person’s appearance is the least interesting thing about them. So, what can we say instead to turn the conversation to things that actually matter? How about…

It’s so great to see you so happy and healthy!

Or…

You’re so much fun to be around!

Or…

I love your perseverance.

If you really want to give a looks-based compliment, pair it with a compliment based on their character. For example,

You look incredible! I admire your ability to set goals and really pursuit them!

And finally, if you want more strategies to create a more positive body image for yourself or future generations, checkout my latest article in the JH Woman special section of the Jackson Hole News and Guide, Mirror mirror on the wall, what we look like isn’t all.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and questions. I’d love to keep the conversation flowing. Let’s chat!

  • Tanya

Social Media Body Positive Feeds to Follow

Support a healthy body image by following these body positive social media feeds. Fill your feed with realistic and positive images of bodies and health.

The messages that you see and hear everyday matter and influence how you feel about your own human body.

Pick the ones that speak to you and resonate with you and make YOU feel good, now.

BEAUTY REDEFINED

Twins, Lexie Kite, PhD and Lindsay Kite, PhD have become leading experts in the work of body image resilience through research-backed online education available on their website, social media, and through speaking events to tens of thousands across the US. Beauty Redefined changes the conversation about body image by telling girls and women they are more than beautiful. Lexie and Lindsay assert positive body image is about feeling positively toward your body overall, not just what it looks like. Check out their book More Than a Body.

THE BODY POSITIVE

The Body Positive is a nonprofit organization that teaches people to listen to their bodies, learn and thrive. Our ultimate goal is to end the harmful consequences of negative body image: eating disorders, depression, anxiety, cutting, suicide, substance abuse, and relationship violence. Check out Connie Sobczak, co-founder of The Body Positive’s book Embody.

CHRISSY KING

From author and Instagram personality Chrissy King, an exciting, genre-redefining narrative mix of memoir, inspiration, and specific exercises and prompts, with timely messages about social and racial justice, and how the world needs to move beyond body positivity to something even more exciting and revolutionary—body liberation. Check out Chrissy’s book The Body Liberation Project.

THE EMBRACE MOVEMENT

Started by founder Taryn Brumfitt, the Body Image Movement (BIM) is on a mission to change the belief that your body is not an ornament, it’s the vehicle to your dreams. BIM is on a quest to end the global body-hating epidemic and believes that everyone has the right to love and embrace their body, regardless of shape, size, ethnicity and ability.

AMY PENCE-BROWN

Amy Pence-Brown is a fat feminist mother, writer, artist and body image activist for the past nine years who became internationally know for her radical stand for self-love at the Capitol City Public Market on August 29, 2015, in Boise, Idaho, which was documented in a blog post, photographs and a video viewed over 200 million times. Her message about the value of all bodies no matter what their size, has been covered by numerous media outlets, including CNN, USA Today, Cosmopolitan, People, TODAY, Huffington Post, Upworthy, HLN, the Dr. Oz Show, SHAPE, xo Jane and Fitness magazine. Amy’s radical stand for self-love is the inspiration for my column Radical Acceptance, in the Jackson Hole News and Guide, which focuses on promoting positive body image and redefining health.

SUMMER INNANEN

Summer is a Body Image Coach, author of Body Image Remix and host of one of my favorite podcasts, Eat The Rules which is dedicated to body image, body positivity, self-worth, anti-dieting and feminism.

ASHLEE BENNETT

Ashlee is a body image therapist whose mission is to help you develop a healing relationship with your body, which involves mental, emotional, physical, social and spiritual domains of life.

SONYA RENEE TAYLOR

NYT Bestselling Author & founder of The Body is Not An Apology committed to radical self-love as a path to liberation.

DR. COLLEEN REICHMANN

Colleen is a licensed clinical psychologist, eating disorders specialist, and body positive activist.

CENTER4BODYTRUST

Confronting a weight and health-obsessed world, Hilary Kinavey, MS, LPC and Dana Sturtevant, MS, RD are a therapist-dietitian team who’ve been co-creating their Body Trust approach for over 17 years. Body Trust is scientifically grounded and greatly informed by social justice movements, liberatory frameworks, and embodiment theory. Like to read? Check out their book Reclaiming Body Trust.

TANYA MARK

Last but not least! My social media pages share positive messages about non diet nutrition, body image, intuitive eating and eating psychology to help you make peace with food and your body (and if you haven’t read my FREE GUIDE yet, you can grab it here).

Have a favorite body positive social media account that you love and would like to share it with me? I’d love to hear from you!

  • Tanya

Liking Yourself is a Rebellious Act

I am standing for anyone who has struggled with a self-esteem issue like me, because all bodies are valuable. To support self-acceptance, draw a heart on my body.

  • Amy Pence Brown

Taking A Stand

If you haven’t seen Amy’s incredible display of humanity and self-love, I highly recommend you take 4 minutes to watch her video.

I had tears rolling down my face because I too, have struggled with accepting my body.

heart. heart. heart. heart.

I think what affected me most about her radical stand for positive body image is that liking yourself is a _universal _struggle no matter what your size, age, shape, gender and more.

This video was shot in Boise, Idaho which is pretty close to where I live in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I was so moved by it that I reached out to Amy to tell her about how I, too, believe in creating more conversation around positive body image, as a Body Image Movement Global Ambassador. I too want to make strides to bring more perspectives to my community. Her reply was that this was both really exciting and also surprising “in the best way”.

My hometown of Jackson Hole is …” a mountain town where most people look fit and healthy, (yet) a lot of self-loathing lies beneath the surface. In addition to people suffering eating disorders like bulimia, anorexia and binge-eating, others experience the same feelings to a lesser degree and over-exercise to compensate,” says Johanna Love in her 2016 article titled Love Your Body in the Jackson Hole News and Guide.

What Johanna said resonated with me personally and professionally. In my private practice as a Mind Body Nutritionist + Dynamic Eating Psychology Coach, I encounter a lot of stress and tears about our bodies from women and men (yes, men, too!) who are trying to maintain their appearance or change it to fit cultural ideals, and Jackson’s ideals as a fit, healthy mountain town.

So today, I’d love to share a few thoughts to help us to practice radical acceptance and see all bodies as valuable beginning with your own.

Feeling rebellious and want to take a stand for self-love like Amy?

Practice These Four Tips:

  1. Distance yourself from media that makes you feel “less than”

    We’re constantly bombarded with images of “perfect” bodies that it becomes extremely difficult not to compare yourself to these unrealistic images. You may be familiar with the expression “Comparison is the thief of joy” and that couldn’t be more true. Unplug more often and get away from mass media to give yourself space to appreciate things that bring you joy. For example, instead of flipping through that latest fashion magazine, why not read a fun novel or follow people like Amy Pence Brown on social media verses those that make you feel less than.

  2. Tune In

    Observe your thoughts. What is your inner voice saying? What sparks the negative commentary? Most of us are unaware of the things we say to ourselves and don’t realize the effect is has on us as a whole. The next time you catch yourself saying to yourself “you’re too fat/thin/loud/awkward/freckled/whatever…” notice how your body responds.

    When you attack yourself with negative words, your mind and body perceives this attack literally. This immediately puts the body in a stress response. Stress chemistry is not the body’s friend, unless you are being chased by a lion! What happens is that our sympathetic nervous system tells our body to release the stress hormones cortisol and insulin. Over a sustained period of time (read: every day that you express negative comments), these hormones tell our bodies to protect. Stress chemistry also wipes out our good gut bacteria, leaving us with weakened immune systems. Source

  3. Let It Go

    If you’ve ever said something along the lines of “I’ll start doing ____ when I ___ (for ex. lose X pounds), this one is for you.

    Let go of the conditions that surround your happiness and fulfillment.

    These thought patterns can lead to a life of constant self-rejection and downward spiraling. Through Mind Body Nutrition, which explores how you’re nourishing your whole self, we can dive deeper into what’s beneath those conditions you put on yourself and free yourself to be happy now, in the present.

  4. Be in your body – Embodiment!

    When was the last time you really felt in your body? When you weren’t speeding through life and distracted by _____ (everything under the sun)?

    Embodiment is the ability to get out of our heads and into our bodies and connect to their wisdom.

    When we’re really in tune with our body, we know what it needs. We’re able to empathize with our own needs and help ourselves in a positive way.

    One way you can practice embodiment is by slowing down, bringing more awareness to your plate and how certain foods make you feel. Another way is to move in ways that make you feel good – dancing, walking, swimming, hiking, going to a yoga class. When you’re in this state, listen to what your body is telling you – it has wisdom to share!

    Embodiment is a key step towards healing body image.

Remember: in a culture that plays on self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act. So be a rebel. Encourage others to be, too.

Have a comment, question? I would love to hear from you,

  • Tanya